Star Wars: All Screwd Up
by xoxo4frodoxoxo
Summary: Ok: this is what would happen (I think) if Star Wars was written by a pervert or hormone driven teen. I dont think it's that funny, but give me a little r&r, and i'll put more up.
1. Star Wars and Springer: Unperfect Togeth...

Any one ever wonder what would happen if Star Wars was Screwed up?  
  
Announcer: Hi. I'm your host, B. Igs Guggs. Welcome to another edition of Star Wars: All Screwd Up. I'd like to start tonight with a little flashback. Remember in The Empire Strikes Back, how Leia kissed Luke.... And then in The Return of the Jedi they found out they were twins? Han took it over pretty well, but if it was in our world, who knows what would have happened!  
  
Han: *looks up to exploding Death Star*I hope Luke's ok.  
  
Leia: He is. *looks to Han* I know he is.  
  
Han: Look, if you've feelings for Luke, I wont stand in your way.  
  
Leia: No, it's not that...  
  
Han: Then what is it?  
  
Leia: He's My brother. *leans over to kiss Han, Han pulls away with a look of disgust on his face*  
  
Han: Eww! And you practically made out with him on that Space Station too!  
  
Ewoks: * jump up behind the log Leia is leaning against and start chanting* Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!  
  
Jerry Springer music starts to play  
  
Jerry: Hi, and welcome to another edition of Jerry Springer. This week, Kissin' Twins, I felt your Mother up with the force, When Wookies get Wacked and the usual trailer park trash that we have on our show.  
  
Han: Were the hell did you come from?  
  
Jerry: L.A  
  
Han: Oh.  
  
Okie, it's not too funny, at least I don't think... read & review!! 


	2. James Earl Jones Just Wont Go Away.

Announcer: Was that funny or what? *laughs, the stops suddenly * Any who, it's a known fact that James Earl Jones had a "thing" for Carrie Fisher during the filming of Star Wars and… what? A question? Um, yes you there: The Old black dude that stars in Verizon commercials…  
  
James Earl Jones: Yes, my name is James Earl Jones and I DID NOT have a relation ship with that woman, Carrie Fisher or have any impure thoughts of her during the filming of Star Wars. Further…  
  
Announcer: * Interrupts J.E.J and snaps his fingers * Security! * Two large security guards come out and stuff James Earl Jones into a broom closet. Audience Begins to boo at the announcer * Would anyone else like to join Mr. Jones? * 20 more large security guards walk in. Audience looks to the door, then sits down, turns around, and shuts up. *  
  
Announcer: Thank You. As I was saying, James Earl Jones had a "thing" for Carrie Fisher…  
  
James Earl Jones: I did not!!  
  
Announcer: Oh for Pete's sake, will somebody take care of him?  
  
Security guard walks into broom closet with a large frying pan. A large bang is heard. Guard walks out and gives Announcer a thumbs up sign. *  
  
  
  
Announcer: Thank you. Now, as I was saying, we here at A.B &Co. have found a rather shocking deleted scene between these two lovebirds. * Trys to purr * Watch closely!!!!!!!!! 


	3. Leia.... Will you Marry Me?

*Darth Vader blasts through the door of Princess Leia's blockade runner, Tantive IV.*  
  
  
  
  
  
Darth Vader: Well, Princess Leia. We meet again.  
  
  
  
Leia: Lord Vader, what is the meaning of this? What in galaxy's name do you think you're doing? I am the senator of Alderaan on a peaceful diplomatic mission to Tatoonie. The senate will surely hear of this!  
  
  
  
Darth Vader: You are no longer a senator, my dear Princess. The Emperor disbanded it this morning. What's left of the Republic is finally destroyed! *Long, evil laugh * Nor are you on a diplomatic mission. My orders come straight from my master, Emperor Palpatine himself. They are to capture and interrogate you.  
  
  
  
Leia: On what charges?  
  
  
  
Darth Vader: On the charge that you are a traitor to the Empire and a Rebel spy! Now before I stun you with my balster and take you aboard the Death Star to be exterminated, I will only ask you of one favor.  
  
  
  
Leia: And what would that favor be?  
  
  
  
Darth Vader: * bends down on one knee * Princess Leia Organica of Alderaan, ( breathing sound) will you marry me?  
  
  
  
* At this, C-3PO runs out to the two *  
  
C-3PO: Stop this! Stop this at once! Lord Vader you cannot do this! You are her father!  
  
Darth Vader: Shut up! * Weilds lightsaber and dismantles the droid * So, as I was saying….will you tie the knot with me or not?  
  
* Cuts back to announcer*  
  
Announcer: Ahh, there no love loss between these two!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Soo…….. wut do ya think? Should I write more or not? 


	4. Commercial Brake ( NOt a real chapter- j...

COMMERCIAL BRAKE  
  
Announcer: And Now it's time for a commercial brake.  
  
* Author of the story your currently reading *  
  
ME: Coming soon on xoxo4frodoxoxo TV… What would happen if Gandalf tries to get the fellowship together to perform A Midsummer Night's Dream?? Find Out in A Midsummer Night'smare.  
  
  
  
( I just hadda put that in! Im working on it!!!!!!) 


	5. Thank you and goodnight

Its been a long time, I know…. But I have writers block!!  
  
  
  
Announcer: HAHAAHAHAHA!! Well, folks, that's all the time we have for today. Tune in next week for " What if Lord of the Rings Screwed Up?" Well, I'm your host reminding you to never drink and park, for accidents cause people. Signing off, B. Iggs Gugs. Good Night  
  
*Screen Goes Black*  
  
James Earl Jones: * Pounds on Closet door * Will Someone Get me outta here?  
  
*A loud clang is herd*  
  
JEJ: Ow.  
  
  
  
OK that's the end of this one and I'm working on a LOTR version of a midsummer night's dream. 


End file.
